DEAR DIARY: More like orthoDUMBtist.

Dear Diary,
RETAINERS CAN EAT IT!!!!!!!

Sorry, but about all we have for you today is our thoroughly researched opinion that retainers are the worst things EVER! They're stupid and they get lost easy and they smell weird and they make you talk funny and they break when you accidentally step on them and the worst part is that if you don't wear them you have to get braces ALL OVER AGAIN. Braces can eat it more than retainers!! So can Dr. McCarren's lame looneytoon's tie. [LOTS OF ANGRY SCRIBBLES]

So yeah, braces part two is scheduled to start in 2 weeks. Its pretty much confirmed that we probably won't ever have a boyfriend. awesome. Guess we'll just have to immerse ourselves in horses or amnesty international or something.

yours in stupid pink and green rubber bands,
Anne & Sydney
The Hazzards
http://www.hazzards.com

HEY WILLIAMSBURG, WE'RE COMING OVER TWICE THIS WEEK!

WEDNESDAY, 5/11
The Hazzards Wednesday Night Makeout Party!
Galapagos
http://www.galapagosartspace.com
70 North 6th Street btwn. Kent and Wythe
Williamsburg, Brooklyn
10pm
FREE!

Featuring:

BENNIFER
http://www.isotoners.com
THE HAZZARDS
http://www.hazzards.com
LOW WATER
http://www.lowwatermusic.com


SATURDAY, 5/14
BATHTUB GIN
an evening of irresistible mayhem to benefit Triskelion Arts
hosted by KICK STAND DANCE & friends
http://www.triskelionarts.org

7pm
at Triskelion Arts,
118 N. 11th St. 3rd. Fl.
Brooklyn, NY

$20 at the door includes:

*All the hors d'oeuvres you can eat and all the booze you can drink!

*Our famous annual auction of fine art, unique housewares & services, fancy dinners, show tickets, weekend getaways and oh, oh, oh so much more--emceed by Andrew Dickerson and Abby Bender.

*Raffle: Every ticket is a winner!

*Games and other follies

* Music and dance performances by The Hazzards, Autumn Anna Luckey, robbinschilds, Jessica Gaynor, Bjorn Turoque, everything smaller and more...
P.S. The password is "talk baby" and if you want to fit in with the bearcats and the Joe Broobs, You should dress to kill, speakeasy-style.

The Hazzards