Here is a quiz I made about Portland.
True or False:
1. We ate a donut with bacon on it!
2. Our hotel was haunted by a pimp ghost!
3. Will is henceforth to be referred to as Colonel Brandy!
4. We were all sad Andy wasn't there!
5. Brian Kenny Fresno was there!
6. We all rode bikes to see naked ladies!
We did eat a donut with bacon on it! And it came that way right from the store!! After some serious hanging out and shoe shopping, we met up with Oliver and he took us to Voo Doo Doughnuts. They got CRAZY donuts
at Voo Doo Doughnuts. We ordered a selection and took them back to our hotel bar. Anne called the taxi company. She said, "Pick us up at Voo Doo Doughnuts. Do you know where that is?"
The guy on the phone said, "Oh yeah, I know where that is. Are you having a vegan donut?"
Anne said, "No, we're having a donut with bacon on it."
The guy said, "What?"
Anne said, "Bacon."
The guy said, "What?"
Anne said, "Bacon!"
At our hotel bar, we drank pitchers of Ruby Beer, played cards, and had a donut tasting party. These are some of the donuts we tasted: Maple Bacon, Apple Fritter, Froot Loops, something with grape pixie stick on the top, Mango-Tang, and regular. We considered opening up our own donut shop in Brooklyn, and worked out our business plan, which was mainly just a list of other donut flavors we'd make. The only one I can remember is the Smores donut, which would be filled with marshmallow fluff, frosted with chocolate, and sprinkled with graham cracker crumbs. Doesn't that sound good? Our donut store is going to be so successful! Too bad we wrote our business plan on the back of a menu--not sure where that menu is anymore.
Another thing you can get at Voo Doo Doughnuts is married. They have several wedding packages to choose from, including a "non-legal commitment". Oliver and I were seriously considering getting Donut-Committed until we found out that you didn't get a Donut-commitment certificate or mug or anything at the end. Basically, it's just a pretend wedding, with donuts, for all your friends to watch. We felt weird about that, especially without the certificate.
Our hotel was haunted! We stayed at The White Eagle
which was once an old saloon. In fact, it is still a saloon. It's got a bar downstairs, and rooms to stay in upstairs. In olden saloon days, the rooms upstairs were used by hookers. Now the rooms are used by The Hazzards and nice, middle-aged tourist couples.
We heard a rumor that it had ghosts before we got there (or maybe we read it on their website). When we were checking in, Anne asked the bartentender/concierge what kind of ghosts there were. The bartender/concierge said, "A hooker, a pimp, and a john." We kind of didn't believe him, because it seemed like he just made up all the different kinds of prostitution ghosts.
Anne and Delphine didn't want to get haunted during the night, so I told them that they could tell the ghosts they didn't want to interact, and the ghosts would leave them alone. All they had to do was go to their room and say, "Ghosts, we do not want to see you." I told them to do that on the great authority that my mom told me you could do that
, which is true, except I think she told me to do that when I was worried about aliens one time. Anyway, they didn't see any ghosts, and I never saw any aliens, so I guess it works.
I can't say enough good things about The White Eagle. I loved staying there and it was totally cheap. Plus, there was an awesome bar downstairs that took care of everything we needed. I highly recommend the Ruby Beer, tater tots, and back yard garden. And a big shout-out to our myspace friend who told us about Ruby Beer--it's exactly what we mean when we say, "girl beer," except less sweet, so you can drink way more.
Amanda and Jenn informed us that a lot of people, when they move to Portland, give themselves new, Portland names. Amanda and Jenn used to live in New York, so they don't have Portland names, they just kept their regular names.
We thought we should have Portland names, too. Here is a picture of Oliver and Will enjoying cigars and brandy at Portland's The Kennedy School. Will's Portland name is Colonel Brandy. Anne's Portland name is Flarb, short for a very delicious Thai delicacy. Hannah's Portland name is She-Ra. My Porland name is PB, which is short for Pear Brandy. While in Portland I developed a very popular stand-up act where I used a snifter, and my catch phrase was, "I'll have more. . . pear brandy!" Oliver's Portland name is controversial as no one is quite sure whether it's Sanch or Doctor Smokes. Paul does not have a Portland name, he also just kept his regular name.
We love Andy! He couldn't come because he was working on his circus
We played an awesome show at Fez Ballroom. They were super nice to us, and we had a great time! Brian Kenny Fresno was not there, but a gentleman named "Speed Limit" was. He went on right before us, and reminded us a little bit of Brian Kenny Fresno.
After we played, Speed Limit came back stage to give us a compliment. He asked us, "What inspired you people
to do what you do?"
Anne walked away to pack up her glockenspiel, and I answered, "Fun."
Speed Limit said, "Yeah. I was talking to my friend and I said, 'Whether or not you like
them, you gotta respect those girls. They're on a national tour.'"
There were lots of other, awesome people there: Oliver & Hannah of The Debate Society; Amanda and Jenn; Delphine, who came
down all the way from Seattle; Paul's prom date; all our awesome new friends from Insight/Out; Radio Vison, who let us use their sweet, sweet drums; ReLoba; and lots of awesome new internet friends.
Artie is Hannah, Paul and Oliver's curling teacher. He came to the show. He loved hugging and dancing! He may have referred to us as loose women in front of someone's mom, though.
And we're totally NOT loose women.
This is us with Pauly from Smoochknob. He's one of our new internet friends. He and his rad girlfriend were there. Pauly was nice enough to tape the show for us. Yow!
SOME OF US rode bikes to see naked ladies. Anne & Will did not see naked ladies. Oliver, Hannah, Paul and Sydney did. Trick question!
How did you do?
PS - Thanks, The Debate Society
. I totally stole all your pictures. Don't be mad!
PPS - I also have a story to tell about the holder of the 10th highest score in Missile Command.